July 27th.

Yet another Glorious Day.

Photo taken at 7.30 am this morning on Hampstead Heath.  Rather lovely to see some clouds, almost forgotten what they look like.

I know it’s been over a week since I last posted anything.  All has been calm and health-wise good (slight tiredness) but I now feel it’s time to write.

Yesterday I noticed the hair on my head has begun to fall out.  I didn’t and couldn’t know how I would feel when the time came and it has come!………Arrrrrrr! Oh My God it’s terrifying and I am shitting myself.  It’s a very scary time, no one, not even men want to lose their hair and when it happens it’s an emotional time.  At this time, I do not want to hear, “you have a great head shape”,        “you have great bone structure”, “it will grow back”, “ you’ll rock it” or any other similar comment.  Please do not mention it to me in any way shape or form unless I bring it up.  I really mean it, no text, calls, voice mails or emails on this matter.  If you do not see me, I cancel meeting up or do not answer calls please don’t take it personally.  I need to process this in my own way and I am not sure how that will be or what form it will take but I feel it’s not going to be a happy time.

Cancer is shit!  All the terrible stuff you have to go through to get rid of it and give yourself every chance of knocking it on the head.   I have my second Chemo on Tuesday which in some way feels a bit more scary than the first.  Going in for the first session you go in blind not knowing what to expect but now I know.  It’s not that having it is painful and knowing I am not doing the cold cap is such a relief and will make the whole process at lot quicker, it’s just knowing the hair loss with get worse and that al the side effects will return and maybe worse.  In some ways your mind blanks out your memory of session one, in the same way it does when having a baby.  Who the hell would have a second child if you remember what child birth was like the first time?

Doramy and Giles, my lovely friends are going to be my headgear helper to make interesting head wear.  I am not a pre bought turban kinda girl.  Expect to see plenty of flowers and colour going on.  Again please don’t bang on about how it looks unless I do.  I don’t mean to be rude but this is how i can deal with it all.

 A bit of silliness to lighten the mood coming up.

Here is me pre Op…….

Here is me Post Op!…..Much happier face ……

What else has happened in the last week?  One side effect of chemo can be either weak yellowing nails or stronger nails, and thankfully for once I have the better side effect.  I have never had all 10 nails so long and strong.  Better go get me some nail varnish.

Our lovely friends and neighbours are very kindly cooking meals for us on days when I am not feeling well.  These meals have been absolutly amazing and delicious and very much appreciated.  As an up shot of this I am going to try and put together a cook book of these delicious meals in the style of a scrap book with tips for those going through cancer and chemo, useful information i am discovering as i go along as well as tips for friends and family of how they can help, what to say and do at this tricky time.  I am not sure if it wil ever come off but I am having fun making notes, taking photos of the lovely food and it gives me something to focus on.  One of our NCT friends ( Kate aka Bobby) sent me a lovely pale Pink leather note book in a matching cover that at the time I was not sure what I would use it for as it is too nice just for everyday lists.  When the book idea came to mind I knew what to use this book for, it now has a brilliant use.

 Thank you Kate and “Be Golden”. who make the books. ( Check them out it’s a fab company)

Many of you will not know this but I love keeping a scrap book and have been keeping them since I was very young. I remember as a young child my Granmother showing a scrapbook she had done and that memory has stayed with me.  I loved all the colours and different style of pictures in it.  It, to me felt like a treasure trove of someone’s innner likes and emotions. My scrapbooking began with article written by Arthur Marshall cut out from the newspapers from the 70’s – 80’s ( he was a family friend), fashion pictures, article that interest me, exhibitions been to, interiors stuff and this years new one is a food diary of everything I cook, sometimes meals eaten out and new recipes that are tried and tested.  This food diary is looking rather good, although i say it myself,  and was/is my inspiration.

Until next time have a great week end and hope to be out the other side of this hair loss rollercoaster soon.

Love to you all. Xxxx