If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit at home and think about it. Go out an get busy.

August 15th.

Had to share this photo, for many reasons.  Last night i went to Regents Park Open Air Theatre with my very dear friend Giles to see Little Shop of Horrors.  What a bloody brillliant show, full of laughs, great dance routines, music and the most fabulous costumes.  If you want a good night out you won’t be disappointed. When Giles went to his fridge to see if he had a bottle of wine to bring along the only one in there was the one I am holding, it was meant to be, Halfway, that’s me half way through my Chemo. Hoorah! (Yes it was very tasty)  I also went out in my new head wear for the first time.  I had a lovely afternoon making up 5 flower brooches that I can clip onto my scarves, this one seemed the most appropriate for the show.  More flowers to be made in the next few days.  Need at least one for every day of the week.

August 16th, another day has past…..

So, here we are, Nick and I on a train to Penzance going backwards all the way!  Yes our seats are facing the wrong way and I don’t like it!!  So many things I could say about it but I’m not going to, well apart from it’s very weird.  Off for a few days rest and relaxation with a bit of food and booze thrown in for good measure to see our good friends Jos and Melz.  Just Hope we get some sunshine.  Going to re charge my batteries before those buggers chuck more poison in to me on Tuesday.  I can’t believe it has come around so fast.  In some ways it’s great as I’m nearer to the end but then again knowing what I am in for makes me think “Oh No!”.  This is week 3 and I am feeling much better but definitely more tired than the first round.  Hair still hanging in there literally but getting thinner by the day.  With head scarves and flowers sorted I am more relaxed about the hair thing.

I have thought of another way to describe the cycle of chemo….

You are at the top of a slide and you are looking down all energised and happy about being there ready to go, then weeeeeeee down you go, hit the bottom with a thud and sit there on your bum for a few seconds assessing the scene.  You finally push yourself up knowing you have to get to the top again.  You slowly walk round to the ladder and slowly climb up one step at a time till you begin to see the top again.  You get back up to the top all excited and full of energy to then start all over again and shoot to the bottom again……each time you hit the bottom it gets more painful  and harder to walk to the top again.  Eventually I hope to get bored of the slide and get back on that roundabout, way more fun.

When I went to my Physio appointment yesterday I met another patient there, like I normally do and of course got talking to her.  She is two years down the line and was a real inspiration.  She has the same attitude as me and was looking amazing and very positive.  I never thought when this all began in April I would be discussing tattooed nipples, let a lone with stranger but there I was discussing organic tattoos or run of the mill high street tattooing.  Who would have thought there were more than one choice.  Well there is and then she began talking about her nipple reconstruction.  Nope not there yet, don’t want to think let alone talk about that.  Toooooo much to do before I even have to think about such silliness.

Going to my appointments (up to 47 now) I have met many people.  I have a tendency to start chatting to them, (yes I know I can’t help myself) my curiosity gets the better of me and I want to know what stage they are at and as much info from them as possible.  God that makes me sound so nosy but we are all going through that same shit and in some ways it helps.  Some of these people have complained that they felt they were not told all the info at the beginning but I can understand why.  There is so so much to take in that it is much better to have it drip fed to you as you go along as and when things happen than all at once.  Why would I need to know the details of radiotherapy now or the details of nipple tats at this stage, about chemo when I am about to go into surgery, port operations and so on, let alone the removal of my 3 ports (nicknamed Heathrow, Gatwick and Stansted) until the time comes for them to go.

Glorious Day badges have arrived in Melbourne.  Photo as proof.  Thanks Peter Fairfield, the farthest so far.