June 28th.

I have written this blog in my head a million times and each time it was different.  This is the blog I did not want to write.

The results from the Oncotype test came back from America on Monday and on Tuesday we went to meet with Dr Raga, to be told that, of course my result was in the questionable range. What this means is taking advise from her , Dr Raja, and opinions from others in her field the decision has been made that I will be having Chemo.  I am only 51 and I do not want to go through my life worrying about the ” what if’s” if I didn’t do it.

I was angry, cross and obviously upset on Tuesday but now having digested the news am ready to fight another battle and Kick it’s arse.  I have to have four bouts over 3 months and until I begin don’t know how I will react and what the side effect will be.

All I can say is I am going to deal with it and don’t really want to discuss it until it starts and I know more.  I will keep you posted here.

Photos of animals and children always make people smile so here is one of Hope and Millie.  To lift the mood.

On a lighter note, I have had 3 other appointments this week, the first one was with Becky my Physio who was pleased with my movements/ progress, which means I can begin to do more things without thinking about it.  So much so that at the weekend, with the help of my friend Ash, made a mammoth 21st birthday cake for a friends daughter that went down a storm.  And this was it.  It was such fun making.

Saw the Plastic surgeon and yes,  I was inflated.  Sounds like balloons but it is only my boobs.  If anyone is interested he put 30 ml into each side as a starter by placing a needle in to the ports and injecting saline in.  Weird eh?   I will see how that goes, give it a few weeks and then go back and see him again. It’s quite strange how I get to choose how big or small I go.  One more week of the “over shoulder boulder holder” and then these babies are free to roam and I can wear whatever I want without fear of people seeing this monster of a bra that in this weather is quite hard to hide in summer clothes.

Today’s appointment was a Baseline CT scan.  Very uneventful apart from using my foot again for the cannula.  It really does not hurt much more than a normal injection just takes longer to find a vine.  I was out in no time.

Only thing now is to work on the hot flushes now.  The sage and chill pillows help but nothing seems to stop them.  Conquer that and l would be peachy!!!

 

June 25th.

Yesterday, Sunday 24th June, was the Big Day where Dave and his lovely girlfriend Trish drove all the way from Wymeswold to N19 for “The Beard must Go!”.   Although I was not a fan of The Beard it looked mighty fine in all its pink glory.  (On Friday I had my hair re-highlighted and pink put back in ready for Dave’s arrival.)  After a very eventful and happy England match we all congregated in the garden to begin……..

If the truth be told I was a bit apprehensive about having the responsibility of shaving off such a large beard.  I have never done anything like this before and was worried I would not be able to do it, hurt Dave or f*** it up.  But once the clippers were on and I began I loved it and really got into my stride.  We had fun making different looks as we went.  Dave sat  very calmly with a box under his chin to collect The Beard as Trish filmed the whole thing. I could get into this beard shaving malarkey, I think there could be a business in it!!!  (Video will be posted once Editor Dave sends me the finished film)  Here are some photos while you wait.

Dave and I would like to say a BIG THANK YOU to all of you that donated to this great Beard, it was fun and raised well over the £1000 we were hoping for.

A bag of pink beard will be on eBay soon to see if we can get that extra little bit of cash for our causes.  Yup I’m not joking Dave’s putting The Beard up for sale!  See below, that’s what to look out for…………

Another Glorious Day.

PS Nick is doing fine, back at work but still being domesticated when at home and the kids are enjoying there very long summer holiday. X

June 22nd

You might have been wondering what has happened to me but then again you might not care, but for those of you who were curious I’m back!

Only 3 appointments this week and all done by 3pm on Tuesday.  Had to see the plastic surgeon as there was a slight problem with one of the ports.  (“Port?”I hear you say,  on either side  under my arm I have what feels like a polo mint under the skin, this is for him to inflate my implants.  That is a whole other story I will go into next week when they are used and I understand it more myself.)  One of the ports had flipped onto it’s side and was bulging out under my skin and hurting.  Well, Mr Floyd with a bit of brute force and me saying a lot of “ouches” and “that hurts!” managed to flip it over again so I was able to leave knowing it wasn’t going to need a procedure to fix it.  That was appointment number one, RESULT.  Appointment number 2 was with the Oncologist, Katharing Pigott, yet another person to add to the amazing Toria Team, who will be doing the Radiotheropy.  Lovely lady and the good news there was I would only need 3 weeks of radio.  RESULT.  Appointment number 3, the Physiotheropist, she was happy with the  moment in my arms I had and gave me new excersises which involve lifting my arms above my head.  It sounds strange but that was the most liberating thing.  After not being allowed to lift my arms above 90 degrees I could now skip out of there swinging them!  RESULT.  I have a lot of new exercises to do 3 times a day but it’s all for a fantastic reason so I can be found doing them, as long as the sun is out in the garden.

With this new found freedom in my arms I have even cracking on with doing jobs around the house.  It has made me feel more like me again.  Of course I can’t go back to my normal self as there are too many people around stoping me, ho hum!  But it’s so nice to be feeling more like me.  Sadly who knows how long that this me feeling will last with the prospect of Chemo (maybe) and knowing Radiotheropy is on the horizon I feel the skip in my step will not last long.  But while it’s here lefts dance and be merry.

On even more exciting news, our friend Dave Ivory has hit the amazing target of £1000 on his fundraising page and by Jove he went and did it…… Dyed his beard Flamingo Pink, yes that’s the colour I use (and will be again by 8 o’clock tonight)  AND HERE IT IS IN ALL ITS PINK GLORY.

  

Isn’t it the most amazing thing you have ever seen? And I get the pleasure of removing it on Sunday. Watch this space I’ll post video footage.  If you still have not donated and would like to please follow the link on a previous post of mine, go to my Facebook page or David Ivory’s Facebook page and do so.  I think it truly deserves it.  Thank you to those who have donated and those who might still do so.

It’s a strange thing, with this new found almost normality I have moments when forgot I have / had cancer and it almost feels like a dream.  Apart from the exercises, looking after the scars and the odd twinge of pain I’m feeling a bit like a fraud.  Still amazing gifts and cards arrive which truly touch me and I am very thankful and blessed to have so many kind, thoughtful and gorgeous friends.  God we will all party when this is all done, big time.

Till Sunday Shave Day, Adios!

 Have a fab week end.

PS Hello Jack Taylor xx

 

June 15th

This say s it all!

The postman delivered this today from my lovely husband.  It made me laugh out loud all the way through.  I apologise to my mother for the language, I know you will thing the F word is not necessary Mrs C.

Inspired by the original artwork called “Good Fucking Design Advise”

Crazy for You Rose

June 14th

Two months ago yesterday I found the lump and look how far I’ve come since then. 16 Appointments, 1, 6 hour operation, 5 days in hospital and now home recovering well and feeling good.

Yesterday I had my first appointment with David Floyd, my plastic surgeon, since leaving hospital and he was very happy with how my healing is going.  The big news thought was, fanfare please………………. he said I could shower or even soak in a bath.  If I hadn’t been sitting on a hospital bed with my baps out I think I would have done a jig around the room!  So this morning, 3 weeks and 1 day since my operation I stepped into the shower and sung my heart out.  A truly  Gloroious Morning.  You might be wondering why I did not have one last night, well in the excitement I had a couple of glasses of wine over dinner, watched Love Island with the kids which every night sends me to sleep before the end!

To make  this a truly truly Glorious morning I even managed a gentle walk on the Heath with friends and had a coffee with the gang.  So great to see them all again.  That’s the excitement over for the day, back to rest and recovery.  Till next time, keep checking for those lumps in your bumps.

 

P.S.  This  mug just arrived, own up who sent it, it’s brilliant, made me laugh and I would like to thank you and give you the credit.

 

Sunny flowers for not such a sunny day

June 12th

A strange title you think, never would have put those two words in the same sentence you might say but having cancer has made me realise something about me being dyslexic.

As a kid growing up in the 70’s-80’s and being dyslexic was hard.  It was a relatively new word and not that much research had been done into dyslexia then but my Mum knew something was up with my two brothers and I and found the best people out there at the time to assess us.  We were all found to be dyslexic and the most lovely lady was found, Mrs Target, to help us learn in a way we could understand and remember. (I still to this day have 2 books from those lessons which I treasure). As I grew up  the things at school that were hard were spelling, reading and reading out loud.  Easy for other kids but hell for me.  I don’t think I ever finished a book we read in school, always avoided eye contact with teachers when they were looking for people to read out loud in class and as for spelling, that was a whole other story.

Spelling – When you are dysleic and can’t spell a dictionary is pretty much useless, (when asking my Dad how to spell a word he would often say “look it up!” only to be reminded I didn’t know where to start). This meant that when writing any essay, letter, notes in class, a report, well anything written I was unable to use many a word I would like to as I couldn’t spell it.  This meant all my essays had small, easy to write, rather childish words in them which at least I knew were spelled right.  What this meant was I was never going to get great grades at school (but with a lot of hard work I did pass all but one of my O levels). Since then I have avoided writing as much as possible in my life.  I was / am always very aware if people are looking over my shoulder when I write as I have had so many people laugh at how I have spelt things over the years, even now I am self conscious of writing in front of people.

BUT with the invention of spell check and voice activated spelling, a life of writing has taken on a new feeling.  Now that’s were the title of this blog comes in. Without cancer I would not have written a blog therefore not known I was able to write the way I can.  I don’t feel so dyslexic anymore. By writing this blog I have been able to truly express myself as spell check does the most amazing job of figuring out what the hell I am trying to spell.  When I throw a really bad curve ball at her I use the voice activated dictation icon on my phone, talk a word into it and like magic it pops up on the screen.   (I love it, if only I had this at 16).   Now with this blog I have had so many amazing comments about my writing which all comes as such a lovely surprise as I have never thought of myself as someone who could write and was very scared to do so.  I have to thank my little iPad and wireless keyboard who are making this possible.

The conclusion is with all the comments about my writing I feel more confident to continue.  Thank you.

 

PS If you missed it Nick’s good mate, Dave is going to shave his rather large, unruly beard off on the 26th for two cancer charities, one of which I have chosen.  If he reaches £1000 he will dye it pink until shave day.  We are almost there.  The link is below if you are interested.  Thanks to all of you have already donated.  Xxxxxx

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-portal/fundraiserPage?pageId=944168

My rather pink garden looking happy in the Sunday sun.

June 10th

It is the most glorious Sunday.  Only the odd cotton wool cloud in the otherwise forgetmenot blue sky, a gentle breeze and the only sound being a gentle murmur of children playing a few doors down. The perfect day.

Friday was the first appointment, of I feel many, with my Oncologist.  I now have an Oncologist, sounds terribly grown up and you could say serious.  I’m looking at it as another person on my fabulous team of specialists who are going to make me ever better than before.

Nick and I went into the appointment not really knowing what to expect.  We met with Dr Raja who was the most delightful charming lady who talked us very thoroughly through both cancers, the results and what’s next.  I am definately going to have to have Radiotheropy on my RH boob as the cancer was so close to the surface.  4-6 weeks Monday to Friday of treatment.  I feel a rota might be needed for lifts but that can be sorted once we know more.  I am going to have to have Endocrine therapy (had to write that as it sounds as if I know what I am talking about) as a preventative measure for many years to come. In other words I have to take a drug everyday called Letrozole to stop the bloody stuff coming back.  The down side is the side effects are similar to getting the menopause, REALLY, I have to go through that again.  Life really has now thrown me a curve ball.   These sage tablets I am taking better kick in soon as the hot flushes or should I call them floods are a bloody nuisance.  So hot, dripping, stripping then damp and freezing cold.  Mother Nature really is not a very good mother if you ask me.  She obviously didn’t read the books or go to any parenting classes.

The final thing discussed was the American test, The Onco Test, which will be about another 2 weeks till we get the results.  This will determine if Chemo will be of any good for the cancer I had.  Everyone cross those fingers and toes of yours.  If I do have to have chemo it means Summer will be cancelled and that will be a bloody bugger.  As I have said before Shit Happens and you just have to deal with it.

It’s now some hours later and it’s dark, chilly and everyone is in bed.  I’m still sleeping in the basement as the L shaped sofa is the only place I can get some sort of comfortable position for sleeping.

Despite all of this we have had a fabulous weekend. As ever an entertaining Friday night dinner was supplied and cooked by our good friend Ruth with my parents joining us.  I was not allowed to do anything (again not in my nature). Many a laugh some good champagne and wine and fun evening had by all.  Saturday was interspersed with friends popping in and tonight we joined The Littlers next door for dinner (thanks for the BBQ Dave, fab as ever).  I did mange to sleep for two hours in the swing chair in the garden this afternoon which  I was truly loved.

I most probably have done too much but it has been good for the soul to see friends.  Tomorrow will be a rest day.  Two appointments this week the first one on Wednesday with the plastic surgeon, haven’t seen him since I left the hospital 2 weeks ago, so must rest these babies so the swelling goes down.

As ever thanks for being such great friends and for reading this. And a last message for Josh for his calls form Nantucket, love our chats.

 xxxxxxxxxxxxx

June 8th

Amazing news….Well it is for Dave’s charities but I don’t think so much for Dave.  The target of £500 was reached far to quickly so he has now raised it to £1000 and has agreed that if he reaches this new target he will dye his  Beard PINK.  As you can see from the photo above I have purchased the dye so my fingers are crossed, I doubt his are.

Off to another appointment today, a new consultant, this time it’s my oncologist.  It will be interesting to see what she has to say.   It will be interesting to talk about the Onco type test that has been in the news this week, that my samples as been sent to America for.

The link below is for Dave’s giving page incase anyone wants to see Dave’s beard go PINK.  To those who have already donated many many thanks, for those of you who might do so, Fanbloodytastic, Thank you.

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-portal/fundraiserPage?pageId=944168

 

My Mock Orange has never looked or smelt so good. Glorious

June 6th

Woken up to the most glorious sunshine which however you are feeling makes one feel even better.

The last couple of days have been tough, lack of sleep, lack of bodily movements, sore boobies and I think general boredom knowing this is the beginning of a long slog of healing, appointments, treatment, tests, more appointments all  in the name of recovery.   I am not good at sitting around doing nothing, and before any of you say it, I KNOW that is what I have to do and I am going  to do it but it’s not in my nature.  I am not going to jeopardise this process.

I’m hoping after this appointment i will be allowed to shower.  That will big such an amazing feeling, bathing in 2 inchs of water with my larger than large post op bra on is not the same as a good soaking!  Fingers crossed.

Sympathy now has to go out to Nick, all this domesticity is not suiting him.  He has now woken up with a limp, swollen toes, been to the GP and told he might have gout!!!  Blood tests and an X-ray is required.  All that clearing up, washing up, laundry and keeping bird poo of the front garden has done him in!

I would like to thank everyone for their cards, flowers (it’s looking like Chelsea flower show here and I am not complaining), chocolate which includes brownies ( which we are all devouring yummy yummy) food deliveries (totally scrumptious and Nick gets away without actually making a meal again!) and all the amazing thoughtful gifts which i have been blown away with.  My skin has never been so soft and smelling so heavenly.  THANL YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

June 5th

This was a card given to me today and it really made me chuckle; its how I feel some days.  Thank you, Carol.

Here I am. Yet again not able to sleep because of hot flushes, more like downpours really and my mind thinking too much.   I feel my passion after all this is over is to get women checking themselves  more (well and you men too, it can happen to you too and not just the dangly bits, but your breasts also).  I was never offered the routine mammograms every women should get at the age of 50 (I’m still looking in to why) and if it was not for the lump on my right boob I most probably could have died.  It’s not really worth thinking about but then YES it is.  I must get across to women how important it is to check.  I was never one to check on a regular basis and once my periods stopped and my boobs didn’t have their monthly aches, pains and lumps I definitely did not check as much.

Here I am in my basement boudoir that it is now chilly, at 1:06 am, wide awake, the dog snoring next to me thinking about all this stuff. Along with what meals there are in the fridge that need eating, what Noah still needs to get for his adventure to Namibia, emails that need writing, and the list goes on but my mind keeps coming back to the “How many other people didn’t get offered the mammograms?” and how lucky I am.  I have picked up some small booklets about checking, otherwise known as TLC – Touch Look Check and in daylight I am going to copy them and get them on this blog.