May 18th

Another Appointment!

I am led to believe that the appointments are now over and all there is left is Operation Day, Well bring it on, I couldn’t be more ready.

Today I was talked through the operation, again, only the third time, I don’t need to hear about skin envelopes, scars, drains, tattooed nipples, big bras and bound boobs any more.  Had plenty of blood taken, swabbed for MRSA, urine sample completed and had an ECG.  Human MOT over I’m ready to continue to the next stage.

HRT and I have been best friends for 11 years and I wouldn’t change that for anything but now we have parted company it’s hell.  I miss her.  The sweats are worse than  ever and the waking in the night is getting ridiculous. ( Look forward to having drug induced sleep next week)  My consultant mentioned a “Chillow”, a pillow that cools.  As soon as I was near a device to order one I did.  That lovely company you see who do shitty ads on TV for things you never would need but always think you might, JML, had one.  Now I am the proud and incredibly happy owner of a JML Chillmax Pillow.  It’s a “naturally cooling gel pillow” that REALLY works.   I am still waking and hot  but with my new Chillmax pillow it relieves the heat and I go back to sleep much quicker.  5* rating from me.

May 16th

Yet another appointment, really does feel like this bastard of an illness is taking over my life.

Met with the lovely Joanna Franks again today with Nick and she had all the results back.  The purpose of all the other biopsies on the left boob was to check and double check what is going on inside the left so that doing a mastectomy is the correct thing.  Well, it seems like there is a right old party of cancer going on in there and yes we have to shut it down! The party police are coming.

When the plaster and steristrips were taken off the biopsy boob it looked like I had been in the ring with Frank Bruno, my boob is so yellow and bruised.  Joanna Franks told me to take Arnica to reduce the bruising before the op.  Never thought I would hear a traditional medicine doctor talk homeopathic remedies.

That known, a date has been set for the 23rd May.  So soon? Yup it’s got to go, left and right.

I have signed all consent forms, discussed the operation in great detail again, aftercare, recovery, pain, length of stay, visiting hours you name it, we discussed it.  4-hour op, 5 -7 days in hospital, plenty of pain relief, (I’ll have my own party going on!)   I’m told for the first 12 hours I might talk gibberish which  will be interesting for all those around me.  Might be fun to see if I can write a post while high on pain relief and give you all a laugh.

As Nick and I left the consulting room I though “Ok, thats it, see you next week” but no….got to go back Friday for two more hours of pre op tests.  Will it ever bloody end?What more can they do to me I wonder, well I quest i’ll find out on Friday.

P.S. Toe nails hospital ready.  Went and had a pedicure today.  Now have neon pink nails, so when I go into theatre iI can look at them, think they look pretty and  smile.

May 14th.

2pm appointment with the plastic surgeon David Floyd.

Woke up if the truth be told rather apprehenisve worrying that when I wake from my op I have wonky, hollow or uneven boobs.  Well, after meeting David Floyd what a waste of time that worry was.  Absolutely charming man, very experienced, Good looking for those who want to know and very reassuring.

My friend Sarah came with me to take notes, ask any relevant questions i missed and take a look at implants.  All very interesting.  Something i never thought i would have to do.

After looking at my boobs, photos and measurements taken the discussion turned to what sort of reconstruction?

Option 1 a tummy tuck which involves taking a large chunk of my tummy dividing it in two and using it to create 2 boobs.  Really????  I would have little ones, after going to Weight Watches there is not really enough to create decent sized boobs and do i really want my tummy up to my chin?  You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear!  It is also a 12 hour op, NO thanks.

The second option was implants.  Nice symmetrical, know what I’m getting boobs, i get to choose the size, they will never sag and the op is more like 5 hours.  Yes please.  He showed us plenty of before and after photos all of which were amazing.   I know it is a strange thing to say in the circumstances but I am rather excited at the thought of what I am getting  (Once the nipple is tattooed on you would barely know what had been going on.)  Yes Tattooed on, amazing what they can do.  No more nipples showing or nipple tap.

As we left David Floyd said ” One more appointment less to do.”  So true, last one is on Wednesday and then i should know my operation date.  Bring it  on!  I’m ready for this battle.

12th May

I am not on a journey!  I am not in a car, train, bus or plane.  I have cancer, shit happens and you deal with it.  Please do not say the “journey” word to me.  I am not on a journey.  I will be when all this shit is over and we are going on holiday. I am ill and I am going to be made better with a new pair of tits thrown in. Hoorah!

11th May

Another day, another lot of biopsies.  My left boob now feels like a pin cushion and if I looked most probably looks like one too.

Apart from the ridiculous wait, the IT dept had problems downloading my MRI, it was all very smooth and fairly painless.  Well, that is until now that the anaesthetic is wearing off.  Not allowed to lift, carry or hold the dog’s lead for 3 days to help healing.  Again there is always a sliver lining to each day.

Looking forward to Monday’s meeting with the plastic surgeon to talk new boobs.  That should be fun.

A really good quote makes right thinking people curl at the edges – Nick Palmer

 Well Hello there!

My name is Toria in case you were not sure, but you should be, as you are here and reading my blog.

In case no one knows exactly what has been going on I will summarise it from the beginning so we are all on the same page.

Friday 13th April –  ( no one say it!) I found a lump in my right breast.

Monday 16th –  went to my GP who referred me to UCH for further investigation.

Wednesday 25th – spent 5 hours at UCH having examinations, mammograms x 2, ultrasounds, biopsies and then to be told that i had cancer in both breasts and different types.  Now that was the shocker, went in with one lump came out with two.  And to be told that is was not that unusual.  I was hoping to be special at this point.

Thursday 26th –  had to go back to UCH for an MRI of my chest area. Walked into the MRI room and was greeted with a bed with two large round holes in it that I had to place my boobs in.  I lay there on my tummy feeling like I was a cow about to be milked!!  35 mins later, a lot of bleeping and banging from the machine i was let off of the milking table and sent on my merry way.

Friday 4th May – went back to UCH with Nick for all the results.  Met with a charming consultant called Cheryl Lobo who informed us that

RH Breast Invasive Ductal Cancer, Oestrogen +, HER – and grade 2

LH Breast Invasive Lobular Cancer, Oestrogen +, HER – and grade 2

All these results are what they wanted to see.  Very treatable. But still have to wait for the MRI to determine best primary treatment options.

Nick and I left feeling very relieved that it was all positive news.

Monday 8th – Met with a fabulous Private consultant called Joanna Franks who after examining me and talking through all the results (still MRI not seen) she said a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction was what she recommended .  At this point she feels no Chemo will be needed.  OMG that was the best news I could have asked for.  I really do not have an issue with loosing my sagging 51-year-old, slight uneven boobs for a nice new pert pair that i can choose.  Yes it’s a 5 hour operation, a stay inhospitable for 3 to 5 days and 6 weeks recovery but no chemo is amazing news.

I have to now meet the Plastic surgeon ( which is on Monday) who will do the reconstruction, to look at photos and discuss what size i would like.  After which i will meet with J Franks again, a few more minor tests and then a date will be set.

It’s a strange time that we have been in the last few weeks, although I kept being told it was good I came in as soon as I found the lump there where times that my mind would wander off and start thinking the worst.  I tries to stop those thoughts as soon as they entered my head.  Positive thinking was what and is the way forward.  IT WILL ALL BE OK.