June 3rd

 This is “The Beard” and Nick! Our good friend Dave has been working on this beard all year.  About a week ago we had a text conversation about the fact it was time for it to go.  I think Dave knew I didn’t think much of it.  I suggested if he was going to shave it off he should do it for charity, Maybe a breast cancer one.  Well the fabulous man has listened and is doing just that.  I am incredibly proud of him.  Thank you Dave.

Dave has set up a virgin money giving page link below;

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-portal/fundraiserPage?pageId=944168

If you are interested in Dave’s story or just to donate please press on the link and it will take you to his page.  In advance THANK YOU.

Toria update, Sadly 3 glasses of rose didn’t help me sleep last night like I hoped and handfuls of various laxatives haven’t lived up to their reputation which all in all made for a bad nights sleep with no movement!

Boobies improving each day a little bit which is a great relief.

Have a glorious Sunday. Xxx

 

June 2nd

Sorry I didn’t write this earlier but my parents came over with dinner ( my favourite childhood meal) stew, mash and peas. And after consuming it drinking two glasses of rather lovely red wine I was pooped and ready for bed.  One point I would like to make is as a kid it was a stew but now it’s a goulash, she’s gone all fancy on me!!!!! Whatever it’s called it’s still bloody tasty.  Thanks Mum, Chef Annie, new title to add to the others.

This is what you are all here for really , yesterday June 1st was my appointment with the consultant Joanna Franks to get the results of what they removed last week.

The news was good.

In the lymph nodes taken, 3 form the right and 5 from the left there was no sign of cancer. Yeah! Thumbs up and relax.

The cancer in each boob was bigger than they thought, amass of 6cm in the right and 9cm in the left.  Amazing really to think that what could be felt and seen was nothing like as much as they removed.  (Again thanks god I found the lump in the right as so couldn’t feel it in the left, go cope a feel ladies)

What was in the left boob was close to the surface of the skin and although plenty of tissue was removed around it the plan is to have some radiotherapy in that area just to play it safe.  Totally happy and agree with that decision. Got this far and not going to take any chances now.

The tape was removed from the seam lines ( best way to describe Scar lines / incisions) to expose the stitches and healing.  All looking and healing well and everyone was happy.  New tape put on, resulting in me feeling more comfortable.  Still only 10 day since the Op which is amazing really how it is all going.

The last thing was I signed a consent form so that some samples can be sent to a Lab in America to do some genetic tests to see if I need some chemo as well.  Again, whatever it takes to kill the bugger will be done. The battle is on and I am going to win.  Having two older brothers taught me a lot about fighting battles, Thanks boys!  Bring it on

June 1st

Just to show he is competent!  After chopping up all that wood Nick did an amazing Job of jet washing the front garden. Is there any stopping him now?  Only to wake up the next day to 10 very large purple bird poos on it………

Dolly, after her run with my friend Sarah has resumed her position next to me as I write.

Today is Results day.  Back to see the fabulous consultant Joanna Franks to check on the stitches and healing plus get the results form the breast tissue removed and nodes.  Today I will find out if and what the next lot of treatment I will need.  Fingers cursed it’s good news.  Being positive and not thinking about the what if’s as it’s just a waste of time.

I am looking forward to all the anestetic being out of my system.  Takes weeks I am told.  My head still feels a bit fuzzy and my consentration isn’t what is was yet.  Have so much to write but finding it difficult to get it onto paper at the mo.  Just you wait out there, once it comes back you’ll won’t be able to stop me.

Fingers Crossed

 

May 30th

This T-shirt arrived this morning all the way from Australia from me very good friend Alice Martin nee Pepper.  ( First met Alice at St Michaels’s at the age of 6) Once I can put t’s on I will so be wearing this out.  THANK YOU Alice xx

Photo above, spot Dolly?

What else has been happening here at home since I have been back.. Apart from all the lovely visitors who have popped in, the delicious meals/ food delivered, beautiful flowers that have been dropped in and a yummy fruit hamper that arrived this morning form my lovely second cousin and his family from America,  there was some craziness yesterday.  Hope, yesterday, decided that she wanted to dye her hair pale pink.  Can’t imagine where she got that idea from!! The inspiration I think came from some stunning flowers I was given (Danny, I could blame this on you but I won’t) So she found my hair dyes and with the help of Emily Allen. Can you spot what is hair and what is flowers in the top right photo below? Then Nick took it upon himself to Dye the end of Dolly’s tail pink, yes PINK!  Bottom left photo.  All I could do was sit and watch.  Noah was not amused when he returned from revising.

It’s been interesting trying to find somewhere comfy to sit/lie down,  after trying the playroom and realising where I am go the dog follows. As can be seen from the photo below.  However small the space she’ll find a way in!  My recovery companion.

Onto the more serious side of this blog, Boobie update.  Today they are feeling rather more tender and sore and after tiring a slightly stronger painkiller and it not making any difference, off Nick took me back to see the consultant this evening.  They did an ultrasound and agreed there was some fluid build up, that can happen and there was nothing to worry about.  There was an offer of draining it but the decision was made that as I have another appointment on Friday to try a stronger painkiller for a few days and see what happens.  Also, the nerves in the armpits will have come back to life again after the op and all the anestetic and that also will be contributing to the pain.

The pain, the fact I could not get comfortable in bed and the husband snoring drove me at 3am down into the basement to the corner sofa where I made myself I cosy area, watched TV for a while and then drifted off eventually.  A tough, tiring, painful day followed but I feel reassured all is ok and the boobies are still looking good.

Mum, Otherwise known as Strict Nurse Ann or Bossy Grannie Annie Revision Monitor came over at 9am and took charge.  I was not allowed off of my sofa area unless for a pee, or have lunch, and was made to sleep once I had had some breakfast, the kids were gently but in no uncertain terms told to get on with their revision and Nick hid in his office, door closed working!!???  No guest got through her clutches and a calm quiet day was had by all.  Lunch was prepared from what could be found in the fridge, 2 loads of laundry were done and hung in the garden, helped by the kids, garden was de slugged, snailed. tubs deadheaded and kitchen was left spotless.  Amazing woman my Mum, thank you from us all, we love you.xxx

Now here’s to another night on the sofa and fingers crossed I get more than 2 hours sleep at a time.  Night night!

 

 

So I started my day by having a good old wash and putting new pj”s on.  Didn’t want you all to think the girl only has one pair of pj”S.  By doing this it’s amazing how much better and more normal one can feel.  Rather pleased with the orange and pink combo, feel they would have looked good at Chelsea Flower Show this week.

Photo taken on my balcony as the poor spectators at Lords started to file out as we did so dismally.

Now, I can be found at home lounging on the rather comfy new garden chair I ordered, without Nick knowing, and arrived while I’m in hospital and he’s at home.  Heehee!!

So nice to be home and my trusted friend watching over me.

In the car coming home I was saying to Nick and Hope that I really don’t feel I have had cancer.  I can’t explain it but finding it so early and dealing with it straight away there wasn’t really time to get worried, stressed or think about it.  Also what is the point it just makes a serious situation a lot worse.  As I have said before, Shit happens and you just deal with it.  I have, it’s been removed and we go forward.

The hard part now is not doing anything.  Yup, nothing, even filling the kettle isn’t advised at this point, it hurts picking it up when full, Dolly will have to learn some new tricks!

For now “Over and Out” as my Dad would say.

xx

 

PS Glorious Day badges available on demand.  I have plenty for those who would like one. Just let me know. X

May 26th

I’ll start by answering the question, two years ago a tree was being cut down opposite my parents house, so I managed to get a whole load of large pieces into my car,so we could have wood for our fireplace, and unloaded them.  My job done.  They then sat in the front garden in the way, collecting leaves and dirt for the next 2 years. Yesterday morning when I called Nick to find out what time he was thinking of visiting he mentioned he was in the front garden, I guessed it,  chopping wood…….So Cancer has worked it’s magic and he is becoming competent!

It’s now Saturday, Day 3 after the op and things are getting better, but not without some hicups along the way.

If the truth be told the last 3 days are a bit of a blur.  I have spent a lot of time in and out of sleep, but with 6 hours of aneastetic in me that is no great surprise.  Let’s see what I can remember and report back……..Hummmmmmmmm! Lovely flowers arrived and have made my room looks much nicer as well as a scattering of cards. Lots of nurses in and out, doctors checking boobies look like boobies and physios making me do excersises that are like the chicken dance, Yes really if you remember that tune from the 80’s and the dance that went with it that’s me for the next 6 weeks!  Arms flapping up and down.

This morning was very dramatic, you have to remember I have a drain out of each side so nothing is fast for me.  Need help lifting and carrying the containers that are attached to the drains.  The first time I got up to go to the bathroom I came over all funny, hot, clammy and thought I was going to vomit.  My beautiful nurse came to my rescue and got me back into bed.  Breath and relax.  I can deal with this I thought to myself, it will pass.   About an hour later I needed to go again but this time the sensations came back way worse. Almost fainted on the way back to my bed, clinging to the wall as  I shuffled along.  As I was perched on the side of the bed trying to get my head back in the game, concentrating on breathing and not throwing up, which I failed, and as I did my consultant came in and took over like a true professional.  Oh my god I felt like hell and Wanted to cry.  I had been so good yesterday walking up and down the corridor and doing stairs.  Now I was a blithering idiot on the side of my bed revisiting my breakfast.  Anyway Miss Franks took control, got me in bed, put a cannula back in my hand, IV going again and thinks it might be all the very strong painkillers I have been having.  No strong painkillers for the day just IV paracetamol and the drip.  Within a short while I felt batter and as the day has gone on better and better.

Dr Floyd also came in today to make sure everything was still looking ok.  He was pleased with what he saw and so am I.  He said the drains could come out so after lunch Malika my nurse came and removed them.  Hope was visiting at the time and was more than interested to see them be removed. It wasn’t painful, just a strange sensation as they were pulled out.  Both Hope and I were shocked at how much tubing was in there, a good 6 inches I would say.  It feels amazing with them out, less pain on my side and I am now much more free to wander around the room on my on.

As I mentioned Hope came to visit this morning and stayed a good few hours.  We snuggled up on my bed and watched a movie together, drank tea and ate the delicious treats Jenny had made for us.  It was so nice, almost forgot where I was.

The biggest excitement of the day, well apart for the vomitting drama this morning, was they shut down the 4th floor as there was only myself and one other gentlemen up there and moved me to the 1st floor.  Thankfully Hope could pack up my things before she left.  I am now in room 105 which is way bigger and has a sofa.  If I had been in this room when Hope was still here I think she would have moved in.

I thought I would never say this but thank god for tecnhnology.  Without my phone I would have been much more lonely and bored sitting here. For that reason I would like to say THANK YOU to you all for all the kind texts. Emails, and other messages.   If I didn’t reply I am sorry but it doesn’t mean I didn’t get them, got and loved them all. Just a fuzzy head space here.

Till next time………

May 25th

I’m back everyone and all things considered I’m doing ok.   I’ll start from the beginning, Wednesday.

On Wednesday morning I had to be here at the Wellington South Hospital for Sentinel Node Mapping.  Each boob was injected with radioactive stuff and I was then placed in a CT machine and scanned for over an hour.  Needless to say I fell asleep.  Once that was over everything suddenly seemed to go very quickly.  I was escorted to my room by a porter, yes it felt more like a hotel visit than a hospital one. He showed us around the room, bed, bathroom, fridge and cupboard, not much more to see, oh yes and the balcony which is prime real estate!!

Then the fun began,hospital gown, long white nylon stockings, yellow slipper socks and paper pants arrived.  where’s the plush white towelling dressing gown I wondered?  See below for the attractive hospital look I was modelling.There is not much more to say about Wednesday, I walked down to theatre was given that lovely pre Med and then the next thing I remember I was singing ” I have new boobies” as I was wheeling back into my room at 10.30pm.  Op was 6 hours long. Nick was Mr Marvellous and I do remember asking (bossing) him about a bit before he managed to escape after midnight.

My  night was an interesting one.  I had one of those buttons you press for pain relief.  It was Fentanyl.  As I drifted in and out of sleep, maybe it was more unconsciousness, every time I woke I pressed it.  Well it turned out during the night I hit the button 200 times and got 74 hits.  A wee bit too much, my heart rate dropped very low so they had to take the button away from me till imy heart rate got back up to 50 bum min.  I was having a “gay old time”

 

Thursday 24th May

I woke in the morning feeling a lot more normal than when I went to sleep, to realise that I had tubes everywhere.  One in each hand, one in my nose, one coming out of my girly bits and both my legs where attached to a machine that was pumping up and down to help circulation or something.  Not forgetting those lovely white nylon full length socks , what a sight I must have been.  Kids and Nick came to visit along with mum.  I could tell they were all lease to see me again.  The kids were fascinated with the catheter bag and made me drink loads of water just so they could see it fill.  Freaks!!!!

My day was spent in and out of consciousness and the constant checking on all my tube and fluids coming out. The lovely nurse Lauren who works for the consultant came early evening to check on the boobies.  She undid the large black sports bra and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take a peek.  But then I thought don’t be daft, there’s no going back now,this is it, so I looked.   Wowzer I was very pleased with what I saw.  They, the surgeons are Bloody marvellous.  Incredible.  I could go to sleep knowing all would be oka no I now hove those Perky boobies.  Happy Bagz.

 

 

 

Nick here – I have been allowed one shot at the blog, but I must not be funny – to fix that this first paragraph has been dictated by the patient herself.

“It’s all over.  Boobs hurt…need rose.  Press the button.  Get the wipes.  Every time I breath it hurts – like I’ve got indigestion!  Give me the good stuff! Beep…chugger…chugger…chugger…ahh!  Every time I breathe it hurts…it’s muscular pain.  Water please.  It’s gonna be a long night.”

And so the reality bites.  The aforementioned boobs are bound in a black surgical bikini and will need a while to heal, but so far so good.   Given the enormity of the operation and the length of time the old girl has been under anaesthetic I think she is less mad than I was expecting.

On the food front she has tucked away half a round of hummous sandwiches, a pot of ice cream and a glass of prune juice (I’m not sure I’d bring on the bowel movements in her position but she is brave if nothing else).

The thing that seems slightly more unfair is that in amongst all the tubes and beeps and pain and machines there are the HRT flushes – gruelling.  However in all of this there is that little pump which delivers in Pavlovian style a little morsel of pain relief with every squeeze (well regulated to every five minutes)!

Anyway – time for me to break off, in short Toria is “as well as can be expected” and beginning to return to normal.  I’d better get back to my chores!  I’ve still not worked out why there are three baskets on the landing – I’ll move them in the morning.

May 23rd

Photo taken at 8.30 am ( Monday) on Hampstead Heath. One pissed off looking parakeet.

So here I am, “O” Day (operation), “T.O.” Day (Tits Off) or just Holy Shit it’s real!

There is nothing more I can do now, everything is done, even down to getting a new hair cut, washing the VW Beetle and moving it away from the sticky lime trees, cut the front hedge, swept the front garden, got 3 laundry baskets out in the hall labled White, Dark and Light colours so it’s idiot proof for them, garden tubs all planted up and all they have to do is water them, stocked the fridge and cupboards of food they won’t eat, ironed a dressing gown to take ( I don’t normally iron) and run out of things to order.  I have no more excuses, I have to go, nothing left here for me to do.

Till I’m in the Wellingotn that’s all for now.  Bye bye Home, open spaces, fresh air, normality and last but of course not least my BOOBS.  Xx

May 21st

Before I start I just wanted to let you all know, (if you did not know already,) that somewhere at the bottom right of this blog is a follow button you can press, put in your email address and it will automatically notify you if and when I write something. Just a thought!

Arrrrrr! So only two days to go.  It seems to have moved so fast that I haven’t really had time to think. Two more sleeps as the kids used to say.  The strange thing is that I feel so well and that in a matter of days I am going to be in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, have drains coming out of parts of my body you wouldn’t expect to (always thought they were just to move water from a to b),  be on a lot of pain killers (wayhay) and I think generally feeling shit.  The things a girl has to do to get some attention around here.  The fact I feel so well makes it difficult to get my head around what is going on I think.  I think out of everyone who knows I am the calmest.

I am going ahead with life as normal; taught my Stitch and Bitch class this morning, doing laundry while the sun shines, food shopping so there is stuff for them to look at in the fridge, scratch their heads…close the door then order a take away. I’ll bake a cake for my dog walking friends for tomorrow’s 9 am coffee at Kenwood (the last dog walk and coffee for a while) and go crazy on Amazon getting stuff for Noah’s trip in July to Namibia.  Hair cut tomorrow,  pack, cook dinner and then sleep or not……………..

While I am here and remember (a lot is slipping from my mind at the moment, I put that down to being without my friend HRT)  I would like to THANK everyone for their  kind messages, offers of help, cards and calls.  I really do appreciate them all and if I don’t manage to reply to some of you I am sorry, there just does not seem to be enough hours in the day.

For now I’ll be off to put together the new badminton net that has just arrived…….