I am not having a Glorious Day!

18th September

As I said at the beginning of this blog, I am NOT on a journey but have realised I’m in a fight.  I’m in the ring with cancer and I AM going to win.  It’s going to be a long fight with many rounds but I am up for it and punching hard.

“Where has that come from?” I can hear some of you say.  Well, although I have had my last Chemo and celebrated the fact, I am now in Chemo Hell, feeling really shitty and wanting to moan.   As I lie in bed flushing, freezing, sleeping, groaning and feeling pretty damn sorry for myself  all I can think of is being back to normal.  Normal to me is my body being fit again, having energy, my head not feeling scrambled, walking Dolly for a good hour on the heath and having a bounce in my step.  And hair on my head!!  I am keen to do something, anything, like read a book, make a necklace, doodle, cook, tidy up, do laundry but I can’t. It’s this scrambled blurry shaky whacky feeling I have, as I have said before like having a constant hangover.  It’s really difficult to describe… when you are unable to do the normal simple things in life it’s so frustrating.  It makes you appreciate the little things in life.  (I don’t need anyone saying “it will get better”, “It’s almost over”.   “you’re doing great” and so on.  I BLOODY know that) I just want to moan.  All will be right tomorrow I’m sure.

Hope says it all here!!