CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

December 1st

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

I’m finding it really frustrating that now all my treatments are over and I am feeling so much better in my self and have almost no appointments I do not have enough time in my day. I started writing this blog well over two weeks ago and still haven’t had a chance to post it. 

I’m back to walking the dog everyday, cooking meals and my laundry fairy seems to have moved on. I am back in my office working away which is the biggest delight for me. I love to sew, create and there is a lot of that going on. Jackets in production and photos on my Torbagz Instagram coming very soon. I know I am doing lots but somehow the days runs away and I’m left with so much I haven’t done each day and it’s getting me down. For Christmas please can I have 4 more hours in my day and a never ending bottle of gin with ample tonics to accompany it?

Now that is over onto another moan. It’s a moany day which is unlike me so you are just going to have to read on or close the screen. My Hair…. Yes it is growing and yes it grows everyday so why is everyone so surprised at this revelation? If I got a pound for every time a person mentioned this fact I would be a very wealthy woman by now. As I think I have said before yes it’s growing but I do not need reminding of it all the time. I can see it myself and I still hate the bloody fact I have no hair and look like a cancer victim. It is a daily reminder of what I have been through and I really do not need to be reminded. I am trying to move on, forget the hell I have been through and get back to normal.  I do my make up every morning as if I didn’t I would look like shit, look like death warmed up and that would attract comments to. Cancer is shit and just because treatment is over it doesn’t mean there aren’t constant reminders, my hair being the biggest and most obvious one. I know it’s growing and really do not need to be told 20 times a day.   What i am getting at is Please stop mentioning my hair.  Thank you.

On Tuesday I had the most fabulous day out to Paris with Giles, Sally and Andy. Oh what larks we had. An action packed day, coffee and croissants, lunch on a boat down the Seine. 4 courses champagne, red and white wine then a gentle amble, the metro, went to the most fabulous Klimt immersive exhibition finishing the day with a truely delicious cocktail in a Speakeasy and a light supper.  And home before midnight.  A true joy.  Thank you guys.

This was how my cocktail came.  All gin based and Sooooo yummy.

IT’S DECEMBER! If i could shout it i would. Which means twinkly lights come out, tree has to be purchased and decorated, we can start playing Christmas songs and watch Christmas movies.  Oh and not forgetting those Christmas jumpers, hats, suits and earrings!! As you might have guessed I love Christmas and the fact I am better means I/ we can really enjoy it. I just have to start planning everything. This weekends task is to get all the boxes out of the loft and start the decorating of the house.  Bring It On!  

How about this as a new Christmas outfit???  I’ve got the boobs!!!!!

13 November.

It’s been a week since my last radio and i am feeling bloody marvellous.  Today is the day that the area of skin that had the radiotheropy would be at it’s worst but if anything it seems to be getting better not worse.  The soreness, redness and rash seem to be subsiding which is a positive thing.

My energy levels at the moment seem to be getting better.  Still not getting undisturbed nights sleep ( those pesky hot flushes are still there to wake me) but i am waking with more clarity and getting out of bed is much easier.  Arrr, but is that because Hope is at Uni and Noah is Almost 17 and i don’t have to get them up, fed and out of the house these days?……Maybe but i still have to walk the hound which involves getting out of bed!

I had a glorious walk this morning in the Autumnal sunshine while still being crisp and clear.  I walked for a solid hour at a good pace which I haven’t felt like i could do until now.  Great way to clear the head.  I am now all fired up to get in my office and start making Jackets, Grannie Annie’s being the first.  She has non stop knitted me the most amazing selection of hats to keep by head warm so the least i can do for her is make a trendy animal print jacket to be on trend.

 

Soon after i got my diagnosis the question did come up about things to say and not to say to people with Cancer.  Here are my thoughts and these are my experiences but i hope to collect and collate more from others and do something with them.

Hair, it’s a very sensitive topic and until you loose it you do not understand what it is like.  Yes i know that it “suits me” this very short look but was not my chooseing to have a short haircut and it is a constant reminder that i had breast cancer and would rather not be reminded of it.  It is going to take years before it is anywhere near where i would like it to be.

Weight, as anyone who has ever had to take steroids, you put on weight as you have a constant hunger, appetite.  I knew i would put on wieght and as much i as didn’t like the idea you have to do what your body tells you while going through treatment.  Every time i was weighed before chemo i stood on the scales with my back to the screen.  I didn’t need to know at that stage what i was putting on as there was nothing i could do about it.  But now it’s all over i am back to Wieight Watchers and have my goals set.  What i am getting at here is that every time i say i have put on wieght i am told “ no you haven’t”, “ you look great for it”or “you don’t need to lose weight”. Well i have, and i do need to loose weight.  Having a wardrobe full of clothes you love and can’t fit into is very depressing and I don’t like it.  I want to get into my winter trousers, skirts and Party dresses and can’t.  Again this is another reminder that i have had cancer and really do not need reminding of it.  I have enough reminders i have to deal with daialy.

Commmunication, i would like to say sorry to anyone that contacted me and i never got back to then, whether it was not replying to a text, email or calling back when i felt better.  There is a lot going on in ones head at this time and it is a known fact you get “Chemo Brain”. Don’t give up on people going through this time, keep in touch, try contacting them again.  The chances are they have forgotten all the people they said they would call.  It’s like have pregnancy baby brain again.  Let’s hope it gets better.

 

 

If you have got to the bottom i salute you.  Thank you.  Now go check for those pesky lumps.

 

Appointment 96 this week.

Hair update..

Yes it’s grown! Xxx